Friday, May 16, 2008

Off My Game

Strips are showing up regularly, and it's throwing me off.

Strips are looking good and it's throwing me off.

Unexpected wrinkles keep showing up in the current story (Mistaken), and it's throwing me off.

Kurtz seems to have been working on this storyline for a while, and it is entirely in its favor. Not much to criticize lately.




My one nitpicking, hair-splitting attempt at a complaint would be that Brent's line in the third panel has an odd cadence that makes it read unnaturally:



Read it out loud:

"Skull (pause) is staying with (pause) US!"

The point of the pauses is to scale up the emotional intensity, by introducing an almost musical rhythm to speech. Including "with" in the second phrase ruins that rhythm.

This is a pretty standard line, and I think anyone saying this line out loud would read it thusly:

"Skull (pause) is staying (pause) with US!"

Or even:

"Skull (pause) is staying (pause) with (pause) US!"

... where "with" is given some extra oomph, leading to even more oomph given to "US!"

Like I said, I'm splitting hairs, but it bugged me.

8 comments:

Anonymous said...

scott might put you out of biznis yet, fakey mcClouderson.

Earl said...

The awkward delivery of Brent's line doesn't seem out of place if you read it as if he's out of breath. That was my first impression of it.

R.W.McGee said...

The closer one becomes to something, the harder it is to criticize it.

Brett said...

I agree with Earl...

We all know Brent is not the most athletic person, he spends most of his time at PVP and home on the computer.

He just took a pretty big swing so of course he's gonna be a little fatigued.

Heh. Gotta love drama. : )

Robbie's gonna get Skull said...

Yeah, he's out of breath. At first he didn't realise how out of breath he was and so could only get out one syllable, then took a deeper breath for the next part, and then needed to take another full breath to raise his voice for the word "us." Scott worked it out perfectly.

Skeeter said...

No, I agree with FSM. Even if interpreted as Brent being out of breath, it's pretty awkward. Having the pause before "with" makes a lot more sense and makes it flow more smoothly.

Anonymous said...

I have to agree with you that its a minor quibble hardly worth mentioning. My mind tends to sort of process an entire text bubble into the proper concept without me really having to "read" it (if that makes any sense) which usually means I gloss over things like typos and sentence cadence that others seem to have no trouble catching.

Anonymous said...

It seems I read this comic wrong, because I thought it actually said what you suggest. Whoops

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